How faith found a place in spiritually infertile mind - 1
Year 2014, things were going little on the lower end. First thing to strike my head every day was to not to give up and hang in there for one more day. To cope with this I invested myself into reading. From sports to psychology everything was on my reading list. With all the knowledge - very little though that I consumed and from all I learned in my science class, It was clear to me that there was no such thing as God. Science do points to the driving forces of the universe but no clear existence of God is recorded. Until one day when I woke up with a thought to visit a temple. So how come a plant of faith was grown in spiritually infertile mind?
Being a part of a Brahmin family, following and cultural etiquette and norms was little obvious. Going to temples and offering the prayers to the Gods was common thing. Not for me. I never had a inner willingness to go to the temple or worship any of the Gods. For me, asking for things to happen to someone who is not even present, just doesn't made sense. Only time I have gone to temples or worshiped in my younger age is when I was asked to by my mother. Time passed by and I moved out of the state. As exciting as it was for me to behold my freedom. It was then I had stopped any kind of spiritual or religious practice and choose the path of science. For me it was an opening to a completely different world. Science gave me a clear idea on how things are working around me. I started seeing modern science in almost everything that goes. I did saw science in everything but I was no sci-fi genius who mathematically understood all the phenomena. This knowledge and curiosity to get more was enough to convince the non-existence of gods.
For such a character to wake up with the thought to go to the temple was odd. Why did I have this thought? Was I scared? yes I was. Was it a divine call? I doubt it. A coincidence? Maybe. A sub conscious? very likely. Whatever it was I never really gave a thought to the cause. It was a week after the thought that I went to a temple. A Shiv Temple to be precise. I entered the temple premises, didn't do any prayers just set there and let my thoughts flow. It was then I realized that I should offer a prayer. Since asking anything felt obsolete, I uttered the words "If any problem may come to me, I should always know that I can solve it". From that day somehow these words became my goto prayer words every time I visited a temple - once in a month or two.
Did the prayer solved my problem? No, life did took the wrong turn. But those prayers took me away from my worst self. I feel it was an attempt from the sub conscious to save it self. When a conscious brain wasn't able to deal with the scenario put up to it , it's inner most parts collectively worked together to solve the scenario or duck away from it.
Now things get interesting when I put this with a religious perspective of Hinduism. I prayed to a god, gods helped me get through the bad phase.Such phrases we here in our daily lives God is within you, Have faith in god, God helps everyone. Now I see how that is absolutely accurate.
God is your sub conscious and your sub conscious is you. More you think about it, more it make sense.